i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Randomize
