hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
