I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
