I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
