Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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