If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
