road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
