Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
