I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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