left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
