I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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