Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Randomize
