Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
It's just like the Real World with babies
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Randomize
