I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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