I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
