a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Randomize
