Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Randomize
