i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Why can't burritos get me drunk
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
