It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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