I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
