Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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