I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Randomize
