I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
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Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
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I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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