I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
well you can't waste a boner
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
