Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
you made out with another girl for some wings
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
