I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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