She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Randomize
