Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
