so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
