i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
