He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Do you have feelings for this penis?
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