6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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