You just made me feel so damn special
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
