I must be too annoying 4 u.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
