Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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