i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
