NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Randomize
