How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
