We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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