White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
You're like the curious george of whores
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
