just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
