They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
