someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
