He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
