worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
