i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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