I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
