Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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