don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
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