this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
