May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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