What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
True strength comes from lack of pants
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
