Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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