We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
They are going to name an STD after you.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
