ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
i dont even know how to be here
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
