I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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