And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
