You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
