imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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