yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
