I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
