well I can't set my house on fire every night
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Randomize
